When one goes through the grieving, its never a one-size-fits-all reaction. Some become withdrawn. Others go into shock. Depression may set in. There may be tears or no emotion showing. How someone copes with loss of a loved one is a personal response towards dealing with a traumatic event like death.

Having human company is essential during this time. Receiving comfort and emotional support helps a person deal with the horrible feelings that come with mourning. Kind words and assistance assist one to process the ordeal which really is a kind of suffering. See, you may have known the time would come for this person to pass away. Or it could be sudden and unexpected. Still that emptiness leaves a hole that cannot be filled. The reality is you cannot be with the person in this present reality. They have crossed over, leaving their human form. Their soul is now in another realm.

Some people have this conclusion that once you die, your consciousness is no longer existing. Your brain is the main component of your presence. And without it you no longer a separate entity of any form. Other's think we are all separate souls who are temporarily living in human form. Then when our time comes to leave the earthly plane, we go somewhere such as heaven or hell if coming from a Abrahamic faith. In spirituality, we are all a part of God which is a complex energy structure. Once we die, we go 'home'. Depending on our interpretation of this place, it can be where our loved ones who have already transitioned, will come to meet you. Those who have experienced NDE's (Near Death Experiences) reported seeing a white light, or being approached by a glowing ethereal being like an angel. Once your consciousness leaves your body, you are taken or pulled into this place of pure love.

I recently experienced a huge loss, my mother. Even though it was expected, there was a lingering before it actually happened. Then it was sudden. Unfortunately, I lost my chance to be with my mother when she took her final breath. I blame myself for not following my feeling of going to her first thing that day. I was going to take care of a matter, then after I finished, I would go see her. I am filled with so much guilt regarding my poor mother and what she suffered through. Right now, I am unable to forgive myself. I take full responsibility. And because of my rash decisions and not following m intuition properly, it affected my mother's condition which was Alzheimers. She deteriorated, especially during COVID lockdowns. If I was more considerate of my family, she might still be with us today.

But my mother was suffering for a long time. I have to see that she no longer is a body riddled by the effects of Parkinson's brought on by dementia, stroke and other effects from Alzheimers. My mother had no quality of life for almost 3 years, bed-bound and unable to speak. Sometimes she would sing, especially at night. I was unable to properly take care of her needs and reluctantly put her in memory care. I regret that decision because she must of felt abandoned. I can't take that back and now that she is gone, I have no way to tell her that I am sorry for all the mistakes I made regarding her wellbeing. That I should have been a better caregiver. I fell very ill and could not physically handle her needs during that time. Then when I saw her condition after the lockdowns, I felt unprepared and inept so after hospitalization, I put her in a facility. It was the worst decision to make. Family is supposed to stick together.

I have to live with this guild for the rest of my life. I will try to do the best in my mother's memory. Truthfully, I had conflicting thoughts regarding spirituality. I thought if I manifested for my mother, things would get better. But it didn't. I tried praying in the form of invoking emotions, feelings and desire and it did not work. See I really found out the truth. Like the reversed Wheel of Fortune tarot card stated the following:

When the wheel is reversed, misfortune and unlucky outcomes followed you due to external influence that you cannot control. But luck and fate like the wheel is always in motion. Sometimes we are at the bottom. The wheel will turn again and you will be okay soon.

Do not cling to the illusion of control. The lesson to learn is to let go and release. There are things that cannot be moved by human will and action alone. If we continue to cling, it can bring only more suffering. You may even blame yourself for actions that cannot alter the situation. Learn to accept and forgive yourself. Learn to move on and forward, accept what is happening to push that wheel forward towards a new cycle.

I will have to absorb this message. In the meantime, I will explore various ways of coping with my grief. Right now her death is very fresh (my mother passed away January 30, 2024). I am making funeral and burial arrangements and it has been extremely difficult. But I must remain strong and continue on my mother's legacy. In the meantime, I will still grieve. I have been getting visits from hummingbirds since her passing. I take that as a sign from my mother, that she is checking on me and letting me know she is doing fine.