This month has been difficult. It's not just because of the stress due to the holidays, but because of those around me. If I was by myself, I could adjust quite comfortably this time of year. Long ago, I convinced myself, nope. Not going to do it. I do not celebrate these holidays so I am not pressured like most folks into sending out cards, purchasing gifts, decorating. In general, getting prepared for what is suppose to be a festive time of the year. Being out in the public is not enjoyable because of these emotions that are all over the place. I can maneuver myself unscathed.

Unfortunately I have family members who are very affected by everything. They do not have the ability to not be stressed. There is no way to calm down. They act constantly frazzled and distressed. This is over circumstances beyond their control. Or over something they themselves, have caused to happen. The worse part, they blame everyone and everything else for problems that are not permanent. Instead of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, they sit and stew and create a bad environment around their presence. It's discomforting to be near them, to even speak to them. It's "Me me me!" all day. I have been feeling those affects since it's been draining me physically, mentally and spiritually.

I am not opposed to people up and leaving when they have had enough of dealing with difficult family members. Life is too short to have to give your vigor away to energy draining vampires. Maybe this rant sounds ego driven on my part. I have had to pull away from negative behavior in the past from certain human beings (family and friends). Distance myself from them. It took its toll on my own life in so many ways even affecting my own livelihood. I am at peace being alone with myself.

As I have been immersing myself further in spirituality, I have tried to see things more from their perspective. In doing so, I was trying to gather sympathy towards their struggles, no matter how silly they might be. Instead it has turned me more bitter towards them. These people have more blessings, benefits, advantages than others. Yet it's the folks who have severe disadvantages in their life, who are more content, joyful, happier with the small amount of what they got. Most of them are just cheerful to be alive!

What I have decided to do was to meditate, clear my mind, and ask Source, "How do I handle these humans?I do not want to harbor ill feelings toward their own self absorbed plight? How do I stop myself from casting judgements?" I cannot be critical of others. Even at an adult having a full blown tantrum over basically nothing? Everything is fixable. Even situations that appear dire at first have a solution of sorts. I cannot get this through to them. They have outbursts that are unpredictable. In fact, one of my family members responds worse when I tell them we can solve this.

Mental illness seems to run in my genetics. Only a few (myself included) have seek help. The majority refused to acknowledge they have a problem. The blame would get deflected. They were hostile, cruel and hateful. Their contribution on Earth was to make certain people miserable. I despised these people. I used my precious energy to think dark thoughts their way. I realized I did not want to become them. I seen and felt how intolerant they were. I had to physically remove myself in order to find myself. I had to realize that I was not the cause for their abhorrence. I was one of their victims. It took its toll on my health and mindset.

I was so done being in this position of suffering. Spirituality saved me from this. Even though I still struggle to this day with self confidence, sadness, depression, anxiety and stress, I can handle it better. I understand its position in my life. I learned this speaking to the Higher Power and angels. I seen the difference since I have included the spiritual realm in my existence. I know I am protected and directed for a better well-being. I felt and know that I am loved. In the end, I want to be closer to Source.

Sometimes I face frustrations because I become distracted by my external world. I had to learn to get away from it. Otherwise I can feel myself becoming immersed by it. I have had nervous breakdowns in the past. Those are not fun and I don't want to repeat that episode I had in my life. I have to draw strength from my higher self. It comes from something that is not visible. I know its successful when I have dreams of finding myself face to face with anger. I use my ability as a lightworker to confront it. I even try to comfort it. I am not always successful in my dreams and in this reality. But I have done in my waking moments. This requires so much energy. In order to recharge, I must find solace in the Higher Power to heal me so I can move forward.

The contrast of light and dark in spirituality is important factor to recognize while we are on Earth. Humans cannot always go through easy times. They must struggle in order to learn, grow, and gain new perspectives. There are positive benefits to how one handles negativity. I have had to learn to walk away rather than fight a losing battle. Lower energies do exist and they have had a dominate presence for eons. The higher energies are more powerful. You get stronger with each adversity and conflict that comes your way. See them as blessings. The gift that keeps on giving. I use this strength to deal with the difficult difficult people. My attitude is to go ahead. Bring it on!