As of lately, I feel life has been testing my faith. I sometimes feels so confident and sure about what I learned and now know about who and what I am. I felt such a deep connection with a large powerful energetic force that is unseen but I can still sense. Lately I have been feeling the connection lessen. I try everyday to practice gratitude. I give my offerings, prayers and thanks at my altar. And for some reason I feel it is slipping away.

I am trying to reclaim my power. In the third dimensional reality I deal with in this human form, I am on the bottom rung of society. Our rankings in this environment are based on false beliefs. But it's so dominant and strong that others who are on the lower ranking, submit to it with little or no acquiesce. I, for one, feel very alone in seeing through these limiting obstacles that are place in front of some of us. I don't agree with these rules of what we are suppose to be and how we are suppose to fit in. I never had. I don't know anyone else who thinks like this. I was always told by every human I ever encountered that there is something wrong with me. No matter how hard I try to accept into these lies and deception, the more I reject this mindset. I cannot conform and never will.

I am alone in this world. I know we come into it alone and leave this planet alone. I am not fearful of transitioning off of a planet I never belonged to. I never fit in. I was treated everywhere I do not belong. The only acceptance I found was amongst nature and animal life. Humans are not my companions.

Meditation showed me true love. While listening to a mindful meditation I came across to relieve my anxiety, ptsd, tension and depression, I passed out. I was in the back of a rental car, comfortable and safe as can be. In the parking lot of a soccer park, I experienced this for the first time in my human life. I cherish this one time even though it was short lived. It has returned here and there, but that initial input left an impact on me.

The problem, due to my current situation that is surrounded by constant negativity, I cannot even meditate. I feel it has been stolen from me along with a sense of peace, calm, and comfort. I would prefer to live the rest of my life in this feeling of love, but reality makes sure that does not happen. And now I am stuck and cannot even connect with that feeling of love from the Higher Power, Source, Creative Energy.

I will try to get back in that flow again. It has taken me out of alignment. Meditation is very important to get back into this part of my life. But once I achieve this, I will never leave it ever again.